Degrees of Suck

In descending orders (that is to say, least sucky at the top) of suckage, I will now list the degrees to which anyone reading these blog posts can consider just how much I think something sucks.

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
People like to crap on The Phantom Menace, but honestly, the hype aside, the second of the prequels was the worst of them. While TPM had a few neat moments, this one was dull and had a horridly executed romantic subplot. Honestly, the only thing I really liked about it was the part where the clone troopers reminded us who the iconic soldiers in the series were with a gunship rescue.

Sucker Punch
When I saw the press photos and trailers, I thought this would be cool. I mean, how could you go wrong with a film clearly inspired by anime and video games? This movie is how. It was a pseudo-intellectual piece of crap that had nothing of value to say. Worse yet, it was boring as shit. This film displays the very worse excesses of Zach Snyder as a filmmaker.

Transformers: Age of Extinction
I liked the first movie. I didn’t care much for the second. The third was okay until the final act. But this…This was trash. This was a movie with, oh holy moly, I can’t believe that I’m saying this, too much action. It had so much action in it that I was looking forward to the quiet moments because of just how long and frequent the action sequences were. Halfway through the movie, I was begging for it to end because of how tedious it was. The characters were plain unlikeable, and the script made little in the way of sense. It was also quite possibly the first time I recall ever finding myself on the verge of falling asleep halfway through an action movie.

This is what happens when you run out of ideas in your story. This is what happens when your editor doesn’t know how to do their damn job and you find yourself scraping the bottom of the creative barrel. If you find yourself thinking that these characters were done well, maybe you shouldn’t be a writer.

Haruno Sakura
Don’t even bother wasting your time. This is a level of terrible so bad that you find yourself feeling worse off afterward. This is the feeling of disappointment that accompanies broken dreams and shattered hopes. If you think that Sakura was a well written character, then maybe you’re an imbecile.


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