Disassembling DisneyWars

Disney’s handling of the Star Wars franchise has left much to be desired. Despite seemingly being poised to revive the saga after the less than stellar response to the prequel trilogy, they instead managed to bring about an even greater fracturing of its fandom and place in popular culture. Why is this? Much ink has been spilled on the matter, and you’ve any good sense, you’d look elsewhere, but I guess I’ll throw my hat in the ring (count the cliches I’ve used in this paragraph alone) in an attempt to decipher just what it is that has left one of the all-time great cash cows mired in the muck.

 

Issue 1: It’s the Little Things
It’s often said that one shouldn’t sweat the small details, yet in certain situations, one should pay attention to those very details, because they can often indicate the amount of effort put into the whole package. Van Halen infamously specified that their backstage amenities should not include any brown M&Ms. While seemingly an example of diva behavior among rock stars, the reality was that this was the band’s way of making sure that the people they were working with actually read through and were intent on honoring the terms of their contract (extending to matters of safety). If there were brown M&Ms, what guarantee then was there that the venue providers had made sure that every other detail, big or small, was up to snuff?

One gets the sense of something similar going on while looking at Disney’s approach to Star Wars. A simple observation of the posters, music, cinematography, and even release dates suggests that the House of Mouse didn’t really care to really make sure everything was in ship-shape.

The first sign of trouble for me was the posters. Take a look at the ones for each film here (the pages for the movies include links to galleries). Star Wars is a franchise that calls back to an earlier time even as it takes familiar ingredients and turns them into something new, which makes the hand drawn and painted posters that advertised each film in the past two trilogies all the more fitting. The new posters, on the other hand, range from generic Photoshop jobs to faux video game box art.

Now, let’s move on to the soundtrack. While the music hasn’t been bad, John Williams just hasn’t quite managed to live up to his previous efforts in the series. Granted, it’s a hard standard to live up to given that Williams has produced some of the most memorable soundtracks in all cinematic history, with his work on Star Wars being a strong contender for the greatest among all his work. The man put the opera in space opera, and it’s highly unfortunate then that the music feels so lacking in spirit and power compared to what came before. Is it age and having exhausted his repertoire, or have Abrams and Johnson simply failed to utilize one of the greatest assets the series has? In addition, the lack of the Fox Fanfare prior to the opening theme is another little detail that hurt the experience for me because Williams deliberately wrote the theme so that it would follow up perfectly to the fanfare. On another auditory note, it’s odd that Ben Burtt of all people wasn’t brought in to work on The Last Jedi.

Up next is the cinematography, or more specifically, the final shot of The Force Awakens. Normally, a Star Wars movie operates like a thrill ride, easing you in with some exposition before depositing you into an exciting adventure with ups and downs, only finally coming to a complete stop in the final shot, when everyone is posed in a certain manner as if to tell you that this is where the story ends for the time being and that you can now relax after having achieved catharsis. Having the camera continue to rotate around the characters keeps the visual action going, the very opposite of what closing shots in previous movies were supposed to do.

That’s not to say that other shots don’t stand out in a negative way. The use of slow motion wasn’t too bad in The Last Jedi, but the ‘duel’ between Luke and Kylo near the end was clumsy to say the least when it decided to go full Matrix. It’s such a cheesy shot, and really takes one out of the movie seeing Luke do that awkward duck under Kylo’s lightsaber before that strange spin back into a proper dueling position. If there is anything to prove that less is more, this is it.

Finally, let’s talk about release dates. Prior to Disney’s films, the saga’s episodes had been released in May (hence the whole May 4 thing), signifying the franchise’s place as the big blockbuster series. To break with tradition as Disney has mostly done to avoid the usual summer competition (a competition that the franchise had helped kick start) reveals both some business savvy and a sense that things just weren’t going to be the same with the material in new hands.

 
Issue 2: It’s the Bigger Things
Of course, that’s not to say that there were more important things that clearly weren’t being handled all that well, like say that writing and the general plan for the trilogy.

The writing of the new trilogy in general is a mess in terms of the initial premise, characters, and escalation of preexisting elements. The premise serves as a foundation for a story, and the one for the new trilogy reveals a lot of issues at a glance. First of all, there’s the sense of futility created by negating the happy ending of the original trilogy. While some might argue that this is realistic, they are also missing the point in that such a thing not only doesn’t fit the franchise, but also harms the outlook for the ongoing story. Looking back at the original trilogy and even the prequels, there’s a sense of optimism, that no matter how bad things get, good can vanquish evil. To suddenly toss out the implied happy ending is a gut punch that also makes the original trilogy seem completely pointless in hindsight. Why root for Luke to revive the Jedi Order? Why root for the Rebels to overthrow the Empire? It’s all so pointless. Taking it further, why give a whit about what’s going on in the new trilogy? After all, the next sequels might just negate any happy ending that the new characters get too.

Moving on from the premise, we also have the issue of the characters just being flat-out poorly written. People often harp on Rey, but she’s merely a symptom of something that plagues the rest of the characters featured in the new movies. Let’s start with the trio from the original films. Han seemingly grew out of being a smuggler and settled down with Leia as a respected Rebel leader. Leia had won her war, and seemed ready to move on to the next stage of her life. Luke had grown out of being a troubled farm boy to become the ideal Jedi and was ready to found a newer, better Order. So what happens to them to softly reboot the original trilogy? Han backslides back into being a wandering smuggler, Leia never grows out of being a Rebel war leader, and Luke winds up a depressed hermit who failed to revive the Jedi. That’s some bullshit.

And we’ve yet to get into the new characters. Finn is supposedly someone who’s been serving the First Order since childhood, yet there he is showing little in the way of the effects of attempted indoctrination or angst over killing his former comrades despite the death of one having been the point at which he decided to go rogue. Poe is barely a character, and is instead kept afloat by Oscar Isaac’s charisma. Kylo Ren is a manchild, and what sympathy he could otherwise have is limited by the fact that his childhood probably wasn’t all that bad and that he defected to the First Order as grown man. Not a kid or a troubled teen, but a grown man. It’s no wonder why no one gives a shit about these characters.

Next up, there’s the problem of escalation. Sequels often feel the need to top previous entries because what has come before is old hat, but the new movies took things to a ridiculous level. First we have a protagonist who turns out to be a prodigy in the Force, but advances ridiculously quickly compared to previous heroes, which only serves to strain her credibility. Then there’s orange not-Yoda, who is revealed to be even older than the 900-year-old Jedi master. As for ace pilots, move over Anakin and Han, because we’ve got Poe being a one-man-army as he downs fighters like it’s a video game and takes on entire warships solo. We also have an even bigger Death Star, which is fueled by suns and destroys multiple planets from light years away. Adding to the ludicrousness, there was Snoke, who was hyped by sources outside the movies themselves to be even worse than Palpatine. Oh, and don’t forget the utterly massive flagship of the First Order, which makes the already ridiculously long Super Star Destroyers of old seem reasonably scaled in comparison.

But most distressing is the whole deal with there being no real plan for the trilogy. While it is true that George Lucas didn’t have a concrete plan with the original trilogy, there are two reasons why emulating this model was foolish. The first is that while there was nothing set in stone, Lucas did have a rough story outline based on his singular overall vision from which he and his collaborators could tinker with the story as necessary. The second is that the original trilogy was lightning in a bottle, and trying to recapture that sort of glory is difficult if not impossible given that the franchise started to lose a little steam by Return of the Jedi, and Lucas’ own prequel trilogy failed to live up to expectations. To know that J.J. Abrams was up to his old mystery box bullshit was concerning, and it’s obvious to everyone just how not having a real outline messed things up for Disney.

 
Issue 3: A Victim of Its Own Success
I could go into detail about this, but since I had previously written much about this very topic, let me quote a slightly reworked passage of a post I made some time ago on another website:

In many respects, Star Wars was the right movie for the right time. A lot of people aren’t exactly aware of the context into which the film was released, but at the time, the trends in the American zeitgeist saw an emphasis on cynicism, what with social strife, declining faith in political institutions, a troubled economy, and unpopular foreign policies. Popular culture reflected that, as there was an emphasis on moral ambiguity, gritty reality, and a willingness to deny happy endings straight out of the glory days of film noir. What we have now is merely a continuation of that.

Star Wars was thus a breath of fresh air. Here was an old-fashioned yet futuristic story with idealistic overtones, a seemingly oxymoronic existence that immediately stood out from the crowd. It was a simple fairy tale that replaced the fairies and magical lands with aliens and exotic planets. It called back to old-time Flash Gordon serials and their clunky dialogue while reworking familiar tropes and imagery into something new. In being recognizable, it managed to be a novelty. In short, it was the perfect movie coming out at the perfect time.

Given how I mentioned above that the modern day resembles the context into which the franchise was born, you’d think that going back to the well would work wonders. Unfortunately, Star Wars was one of the first true summer blockbusters, and in an attempt to capture as wide a market as possible, theaters are now flooded with simple action-packed stories that land on the idealistic end of the scale. What was novel no longer stands out. And that has even resulted in people wondering if the franchise should become cynical and morally grey (despite this missing the point of what makes the saga what it is) simply because they have no idea where to take it.

 
Issue 4: What the Fuck Are You Doing?
The movies aside, Disney hasn’t done the best job handling the franchise in general. The new park attractions, merchandise, and media saturation have not had the effect one would like from a property purchased for billions of dollars. Galaxy’s Edge found itself underperforming, resulting in the cutting of employee hours for the attraction. While the park attractions are still in their early days with room to improve, it’s clear that there were some missteps in how they were implemented.

Meanwhile, the merchandise just isn’t selling like it used to. George Lucas managed to build a fortune from merchandising deals alone, and this played a part in why Disney saw dollar signs when buying him out. Unfortunately for the House of Mouse, changes in consumer tastes have resulted in the cash cow running a bit dry.

Finally, there’s the matter of overdoing the media blitzkrieg. Now, Star Wars has always been a real attention whore among franchises, no one would doubt that. However, what really overdid it for the series was Disney’s decision to release a new film every year rather than wait three years between films. This was understandable: Disney needed to recoup its investment as soon as possible, and here was a franchise that seemingly printed money. Why not release a new film each year? It works for Marvel. Unfortunately, all that did was leave everyone sick of Star Wars. While Marvel tends toward solid but unspectacular movies lined up on a conveyor belt, there’s at least some variety on the surface level given all the different superheroes out there. Star Wars is much simpler by design, and even spinoffs aren’t able to escape the basic ingredients laid out since the first movie came out in 1977. Disney clearly had no idea how to handle its property.

 
Issue 5: A Missing Je Ne Sais Quoi
This last one is the most subjective of my arguments, but I felt compelled to include it nonetheless because of how much it colors my ability to absorb the new films. Watching Disney’s productions, I just can’t shake the feeling that there’s something missing. It might be George Lucas.

The Disney movies feel like those novels in a series not written by the original author. There’s a reason why no one really considers any of the Sherlock Holmes novels written post-Doyle to be within the definitive canon, for example. Once the original creator who birthed the franchise is gone, it’s hard to recapture the same magic. Hell, it’s often hard enough for said original creator to do just that in sequels.

It’s why I ultimately feel a certain detachment from the new Star Wars movies. Without Lucas directly involved in their production, there’s a missing ingredient that makes things feel just off enough that I can never really get comfortable.

 
So what can we conclude from all this? We can conclude that based on a simple observation of minor and major details, the franchise’s place in the modern blockbuster landscape, the issues surrounding merchandising and theme park attractions, and the absence of a center of gravity in the form of George Lucas, that Star Wars isn’t in good hands. It’s damaged goods and the fandom has found itself even more split than it was before. Maybe Disney might be able to make a recovery, but I’m not holding my breath, and honestly, speaking frankly, neither should you. The Force is no longer with us, and it might just be time to move on.

Things That Sucked in ‘Naruto’: World Building

When J.R.R. Tolkien wrote The Lord of the Rings, he was engaging in a process that involved not only the creation of characters and nations, but also entire cultures and histories, the most famous collection of which was published as The Silmarillion. Even now, as fantasy franchise after fantasy franchise opts to do the same, Tolkien’s work remains the gold standard in this regard due to its thoroughness and the author’s keen understanding of cultural myths.

Masashi Kishimoto also attempted to build an entire fictional world with its own histories and cultures. Unfortunately, he came up short rather often in this regard.

 
PART I. CULTURES AND CHARACTERS
For the first few hundred chapters of the manga, Kishimoto was content to limit the reader’s exposure of the Naruto world to the Land of Fire, the Land of the Waves, and the Land of Wind. In the case of the latter country’s ninja village, we had little moments to build up a separate culture from the Leaf through its architecture, its fashions, its rituals (remember when we saw Gaara’s dad sitting behind a screen giving orders like some old school feudal lord?), and the motivations of characters from the village. However, as the story went on, Kishimoto focused less and less on what made that particular village unique (perhaps a side effect from its improving relations with Konoha?) to the point where Sunagakure was basically Konoha in the desert.

As for the other major villages, despite claims to highly divergent cultures made early on in the manga, there was little to differentiate the villages. It was made even worse by the fact that, aside from some minor details (the importance of power in Kumogakure, the bloodiness of Yagura’s regime, and the Will of Stone), little exposure was given to any characteristics that would make them distinct cultures. I suppose that works if you want to show that deep down, all people are the same, but it fails when you try to build a living, breathing fictional world.

In fact, aside from a bit of meager characterization, there isn’t much to say about the good guys from the other hidden villages. Ōnoki is full of regret at abandoning his youthful idealism and is a grouchy old fart. Okay, not too bad. Shame there’s no other fleshed out character from his village. Mei…wants to get married. Ao…is nostalgic for the ninja of his youth. Chojuro…is shy and likes older women. There’s so little to work with, and as a result, Kishimoto’s attempts to humanize each of these villages fall flat compared to what they could have been had he taken the time to go into detail about each of them.

 
PART II. GEOGRAPHY
The world of Naruto feels awfully small, and not just because whatever maps we’ve been given are clearly showing only a portion of the entire planet.

Contrast this with One Piece. One criticism that is often voiced in regards to the manga is that the plot is repetitive. What happens is that the Straw Hat Pirates will reach their newest destination, and there, engage in a series of misadventures that are relevant to at the moment current arc, with some of the events taking place having bearing on later plot developments.

While there certainly is a case to be made for criticizing this mode of storytelling, there are also clear benefits to it. What these story arcs do is build up Oda’s world. Because they are mostly self-contained, they serve to create the impression that each individual location has its own story, its own way of life going on. This adds a sense of verisimilitude to what is otherwise a rather surreal world.

At the same time, because each of these arcs take place at particular locations, they serve to justify the sense that the main characters’ actions will influence their world in the near future (as they already have, and still will, judging by the amount of foreshadowing that has gone on).

Geography also plays a part in why the scale of the story never quite feels right later on. Earlier in the series, it took time for characters to get from place to place, especially given that even with the advantages of being a ninja, they still were trying to traverse large distances by foot. Early on in Part II, we even get a travel montage as the modified Team Seven is preparing to meet with Sasori’s mole in Orochimaru’s organization. By the time of the final war arc however, characters were getting from place to place fairly quickly in spite of the fact that the war was being fought on multiple fronts some distance away from each other. It’s similar to an issue with the later seasons of Game of Thrones, as a story that used to emphasize distance and how such isolation hampers communications came to abandon an element that gave its setting a sense of scale and verisimilitude.

 
PART III. AN OVERLY NARROW FOCUS
Another issue with the world building in Part II is that everything comes back to the Uchiha and Naruto’s pursuit of Sasuke. How can you feel like you’re living in a huge world with independent characters if everything comes back to a particular group of people descended from the creators of the ninja world?

Part of the criticism of C.S. Lewis’ Narnia (in contrast to Middle Earth) is that it never feels as huge and lived in as everything important is centered around a particular group of characters in each book. In Tolkien’s work, the world felt huge. Journeys were long and the battles the reader got to witness were but a fraction of the full war against Sauron, whose campaign was but the latest iteration of conflicts going all the way back to the creation of the world. That is what separates an epic from a standard pulp melodrama, and unfortunately, Kishimoto, in attempting to craft an epic (if pulpy and melodramatic) tale, scaled back too far and thus lost readers who appreciated the sheer scale of the story during the Chunin Exams Arc.

 
CONCLUSION
To make a long story short, while Kishimoto has tried to build his fictional world by offering histories and revealing some characters, his sparse characterization of the villages and their denizens only serves to hinder his attempts to realistically create a living breathing world on the cusp of revolution. On top of that, he lost track of the setting’s scale and focus, shrinking a globe that he should have been working to inflate for the readers. If you seek to find a strong example of cohesive world building, it is best you seek it in other stories.

TTR/TTS: Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Because fuck it, I may as well get this off my mind, and what better way than writing it out so I don’t have to think about a movie that came out several months ago anymore.

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi managed to divide fans of the franchise in ways unseen since the prequels. However, was it really anything worth getting so pissy about? The first time I saw it, my impression of the movie was that it was unevenly made, with much to dislike and some things to think were fine at the very least. However, a second viewing caused me to rethink my opinion a bit, so I figure I may as well lay those thoughts out here. Note that I tried to avoid going into too much detail, because that would have lengthened the review even more, so I focused on areas of which I felt most strongly regarding the movie. As is my habit, there will be spoilers.

 
Things that Rocked: Luke’s Last Hurrah
Regardless of my ambivalence about Luke’s treatment as a whole, if one thing was done well in regards to his character, it was how he went out, as it was true to the ethos of the Jedi and to what he has always represented within the context of the saga.

Based on what Yoda emphasized in the original trilogy, the Jedi were supposed to the Force not to attack, but for knowledge and defense. Luke’s big moment at the end lived up to this. While some might be disappointed at him not coming in to save the day to kick ass, it was fitting for the greatest of the Jedi to do what he needed to without committing violence, a fitting contrast with his earlier failure to do so leading to the current events of the story. By doing what he did, he managed to not only buy much needed time for the Resistance, but also successfully humiliated his nephew even as he made clear that there was still hope for him, even if it was not obvious at the time.

Speaking of hope, this was the second reason why Luke’s behavior worked for him as a character. The earlier movies emphasized time and again that Luke was the best hope for good to triumph over evil, and that his very actions inspired it in others. It’s Luke who represents the last hope of a free galaxy and the Jedi by the end of the prequels, and it is Luke who restores hope when he blows up the Death Star. It’s Luke who draws Vader away from the darkness in which the latter steeped himself, and it’s Luke again who manages to, through the righteousness of his character, triumph over everything Palpatine represented. If hope could be personified, here lay its great champion. To know that Luke’s sacrifice not only bought the Resistance another day, that his actions would inspire those hearing of the event through secondhand sources, was as fitting an exit as it gets for him.

 
Things that Rocked: The Esoteric Force
Another detail I appreciated was how the Force was returned to its mystical roots. With midichlorians, Lucas had attempted to scientifically quantify the nature of what had been a vague, all-pervading existence that surrounded and bound all things, which in many respects was in conflict with the mythical nature of the story up to that point.

It was also rather decent of the movie to also give viewers a better idea of the nature of the Force. The island and the water mural both served to illustrate the interplay between the Light and the Dark, with neither side so much in a perfect 50-50 balance as constantly shifting back and forth like waves, this interaction in turn creating the energy field known as the Force.

I also thought the sequence with Rey in the cave was actually a visually striking one that added more insight into the nature of the Dark Side. Rather than being evil in itself, the Dark seems to offer insight into the self, including some of the harsher truths of the individual. If anything, the problem with the Dark Side is that those who try to use this introspective part of the Force for their own purposes become obsessed with the self to the point of losing all regard for everyone and everything else, not helped at all by how the Dark is connected to the more destructive aspects of nature.

In short, the Force works similar to a mix of Yin-Yang and Christian morality. Nature has Light and Dark, with neither having anything to do with morality in themselves, but it’s when people try to use them that morality becomes involved. It also averts the trap of ‘grey’ by indicating that balance isn’t using both sides of the Force, but in mastering the self in order to achieve true benevolent selflessness.

 
Things that Bugged Me: Rey in the Dark
As much as I did appreciate the attempts to explore the Force in a mystical manner, something that did irk me was that there was little sense of the Dark Side tempting Rey despite her not even bothering to resist its pull on the island. While it did reveal an important truth to her, it also failed to live up to its usual standard of offering some form of internal conflict for the character to work past. This kind of contributes to the idea that Rey is just plain bland, even compared to the previously idealistic Luke, in that there’s just nothing to hint at her potentially falling (it doesn’t help that she is shown getting emotionally worked up during battles yet this doesn’t seem to ever go anywhere). Maybe it was so that it would be easier for Kylo to take advantage of her emotional vulnerability?

 
Things that Bugged Me: An Odd Lack of Sensible Emoting
Another bit that stood out to me was Luke’s seeming lack of response to hearing of Han’s death, as well as his muted reaction to meeting Chewbacca for the first time in years. What should have been an emotional beat was quickly passed over, even if there was a hint of something more when Luke sneaks onto the Falcon and handles the dice. It was all the more striking given how much more visibly touched he was to see R2-D2 again.

To be fair though, Luke wasn’t exactly showing much in the way of extended mourning behavior after his aunt and uncle got flash fried and Obi-Wan was struck down in front of him, so maybe this was just the result of maintaining a fast-paced pulp adventure with a light tone.

 
Things that Sucked: The Chase
One of the major plot lines of the movie involved the Resistance fleet being pursued by the First Order, with the former being unable to escape the latter due to their ability to track them through hyperspace. It was like watching Fury Road, except if the chase in that movie had been a low-speed chase completely lacking in tension and boring to watch. Cripes, I may as well have been watching the LAPD chase a white Bronco for all the ridiculous hype placed on such a tedious plot line. Had they wanted to do a continuous chase through the galaxy, it might have been better to take some cues from the far superior one in The Empire Strikes Back.

The problems with the chase’s execution should be clear to even the most casual viewer. First up is the fact that the chase possesses nothing in the way of a sense of speed. A good chase gives a sense of progress, and this often involves use of the surrounding environment. However, the only real environmental markers came in the form of the darkness of space and passing stars in the background. Whenever the ships are shown, there’s nothing to indicate rapid movement. It’s just one set of ships firing languidly at another just ahead of them.

The above wasn’t helped by Leia’s moment. You know the one. Look at that scene and stifle your chuckles a bit (I thought the idea of Leia getting a moment to use the Force was fine in concept, just terrible in execution). Notice that she’s drifting in space for a bit, yet manages to get back to a ship that is supposedly moving at top speed away from the scene.

The second reason why the chase sucks comes from how lacking in tension it is as a result of how monotonous the entire thing is. Much of it occurs off-screen, and what we do see is completely unexciting. There’s no use of editing or cinematography or what have you to make us feel the noose tightening around the Resistance. Sure, we see other ships get taken down, but it’s so brief and happens to characters we have no reason to care about. To add to this boredom, the fact that the entire chase hinged in part on limited fuel supplies was not supported by the fact that the movie’s other subplots failed to make events feel as compressed as they should have. Remember how Finn seems distracted once he sees the casino? That’s not exactly a great way to show a character who’s in a rush to save the Resistance. In fact, the chase felt like it took a few days or even a week when it should have felt like several hours or a day (although this does raise questions about how the hell Han got to Bespin without a hyperdrive).

 
Things that Sucked: The Idiot Plot
So let’s get to another thing that really drags this movie down for me: the fact that a lot of what happens only does so because characters act like morons. In this case, let’s point out the subplot involving Poe and Holdo.

With Leia out of commission following the First Order’s surprise attack early on, a new character who we’ve never so much as heard of in the movies takes command. Obviously, as an unknown factor, the point of this is so that the audience is able to more easily root for the recognizable faces and question both the competence and allegiance of Holdo. As you should know by this point, Holdo turns out to be on the up and up, and Poe winds up engaging in a foolish attempted mutiny. However, a closer analysis of this plot line reveals quite a few cracks.

First up is Holdo’s introduction. She’s obviously a little out of place given that she’s wearing a fancy dress in a military setting. Unlike Mon Mothma, she doesn’t appear to be a political leader, and even Leia, who was fine with wearing more formal wear in this movie, was also shown wearing more practical items in the context of her position. So Poe comes in and gives her a bunch of information without asking and consideration for the possibility that she herself might be privy to it and more given her position relative to his own. She also undermines him, which, while somewhat understandable, is done at the wrong time and perhaps a little more harshly than should be done during a desperate situation. Furthermore, when prodded for a plan, rather than at the very least offering some assurances as a good leader should, she merely pulls rank, an act which is not likely to earn an underling’s respect (which makes it seem that whoever wrote this had no idea how effective military hierarchies, for all their emphasis on a chain of command, work). It’s clear at this point that Holdo has effectively been promoted beyond her level of competence.

Later on, a visibly desperate Poe again asks Holdo if she has a plan. A capable superior officer would, recognizing low morale, work to alleviate this. Even if she were not to spill the beans, she could have at least assured him that there was a plan, and also engaged in actions that would have kept things from reaching a point where her underlings saw fit to stage a mutiny. Unfortuately, Captain Queeg there fails to do anything that is actually productive.

I get the sense that in an earlier draft of the story, there were fears of a spy among the Resistance, hence Holdo being so tight-lipped. Not only would this justify her secrecy, but it would also create a tense atmosphere that would have been alleviated only if the Resistance had figured out the secret behind the First Order’s ability to track them (the hyperspace tracker, which was instead revealed early on in the film).

Poe then finds out that Holdo intends to have everyone abandon ship, and because things have gotten this bad, Holdo is unable to explain things in time before the situation hits a breaking point.

As a result of the above, Poe stages a mutiny which quickly falls apart, and poor communication decisions cause the bad guys to get wind of their opponents’ escape plan. It was a poorly written plot that centered in part around a character we couldn’t help but hate because of her sheer incompetence. Killing herself and taking a chunk of the villains with her at least somewhat redeemed the character, even if it did cause new complaints among those who argued about the viability of simply striking military targets using hyperspace ramming.

 
Things that Sucked: The Unnecessary Subplot
Unfortunately, a lot of these issues surround the writing of the new character of Rose. When Finn and her are making their escape from Canto Bight, she takes the time to free the fathiers, considering this act the real victory of the day.

I get that this moment with the alien horse with the creepy uncanny valley face was meant to show the importance of small acts of kindness even among the greater conflicts going on, but the logic used there was rather poorly thought out. For one, they didn’t free the kids from their oppressive existences, and chances are that the fathiers would either be hunted down and returned to their previous roles, or the track owners would just find new ones. This sort of short-term thinking brings to mind the logic of a limousine liberal who engages in volunteer tourism and corporate charitable donations despite suggestions that such activities actually don’t do much good and in fact harm the locals, and then justifies themselves less out of a desire to help than to feel good about themselves. In that way, I can’t help but wonder how out of touch the writers in Hollywood must be to think this argument holds water.

And let’s not forget yet another dumb moment late in the film when Finn, eager to finally die for a cause he believes in, engages in what he expects to be a suicide run against a battering ram laser, only for Rose to slam her vehicle into his in order to save his life (good thing that the crash didn’t kill either of them), and then for the story to make this seem like a wise decision when as far as either of them were concerned, they and their comrades were about to be hunted down like animals. To make matters worse, Finn winds up having to drag her dumb ass all the way back to the Rebel hideout.

I feel bad for Rose’s actress. I truly do. She gets what should be her big break only to wind up playing a badly written character and then harassed for it by idiots when the only ones worth criticizing (not harassing) for anything other than the quality of her performance were the people who went ahead with the creative decisions surrounding the character.

Aside from Rose, another issue that bugged me was the whole thing they had about war profiteering. It was silly enough that the military industrial complex is the most lucrative in the galaxy, but the whole thing doesn’t really go anywhere. It feels like a jab at real world politics and a lame attempt to insert moral greyness into the story, and worse yet, the focus quickly returns to the black and white conflict between Rebels and Empire. The entire matter brings to mind George Lucas and his attempts at making the Clone Wars more complex by suggesting that the Separatists had legitimate gripes with the Republic, only to show none of this in the movies and to treat all the Separatist leaders as moustache twirling villains.

And let’s not forget that this entire plot thread with Finn and Rose takes its sweet time despite the fact that the two characters were supposedly in a rush.

 
Things that Sucked: Sticking to the Status Quo
Now here’s the original sin of the sequel trilogy: the fact that there is almost nothing new under the sun. The problem a lot of people had with The Force Awakens was that it was ultimately nothing more than a greatest hits album put to film of the original trilogy. You had a bunch or rebellious Rebels facing off against the Empire but not really with the intent of transporting an important MacGuffin while having to launch a ground assault in order to remove a shield in order to blow up a bigger Death Star while there was moral and martial conflict between parents and children. Throughout all this, the movie sought to remind you of things that evoked the original films, including a scene at a bar where a bunch of shady looking aliens hanged out. However, given the need to revive the franchise after the divisive nature of the prequels, this was understandable, and hopes were that the following episode would allow the sequel trilogy to form its own identity.

Unfortunately, The Last Jedi, despite claiming to be doing something different, merely evoked even more of the original trilogy in an attempt to subvert its expectations, all the while establishing a new status quo that looked eerily similar to the previous films.

Meanwhile, all this did not distract from the fact that the sequel trilogy made the original films seem completely pointless. Luke, who was the new hope of the Jedi and the galaxy at large turned out to be a failure in both regards despite previous movies (to say nothing of the ending of Revenge of the Sith) making clear that he was the person destined to make everything as it should be after his father went off the right path. The Jedi are all but extinct, and need yet another single person to revive the order. The galaxy is back to having an imperial superstate in charge that needs to be removed. Han moved on from his shady past, only to regress back into it once his family collapsed. Leia was able to combine her desire to fight for a cause with personal fulfillment, and then her son went bad, and her marriage collapsed, and her political career went down the shitter, and she went back to being a military leader of a rebellion. The result of this is that the original trilogy now has a fresh paint of futility applied to its coat after the fact. So much for idealism and happy endings.

And don’t give me that crap about how this reflects real life. This series was never meant to reflect real life in its complex entirety, but rather the fairy tales of myths of old that told their audiences that there were battles worth fighting and that evil could be vanquished, or at least beaten back. But now it’s just another gritty war story where happy endings are short-lived and idealism is not nearly enough to make the fight worth fighting in the grand scheme of things.

 
Things that Sucked: What is the Context?
Another one of the original sins of the new trilogy is the lack of context into which the audience was thrown. In this movie, despite knowing little about him, we finally got to meet Supreme Leader Snoke, and then his top half decided to get a closer look at the floor of his throne room.

Now you might argue that it was the same with the original trilogy. We didn’t know much about Palpatine, not even his name. He was just the emperor. The difference is that we didn’t need to know about him beyond what we got. The premise that was set up since the first film saw the heroes having to fight the Dark Side of the Force and the evil Empire that ruled the galaxy. We knew that there was an emperor who ruled it, and he made a brief appearance in the following film before appearing in person in Return of the Jedi. By that point, what we did know of him was what was important to know, namely, what he represented. As the emperor, he was the personification of the Empire and all its material and social evils. As Vader’s master, he was the personification of the spiritual evils that came from surrendering to the Dark Side. To confront him was to confront the one being that represented everything wrong that needed to be righted in the saga.

Now compare that to the situation we have in the sequel trilogy. As a continuation from previous films, the audience was thrust into a situation in which the seemingly happy ending of the previous movies was completely undone, and little explanation is given for why. The audience needs to know these details. The original trilogy could get away with it because it was a new story and the premise was all that was needed to start with. Meanwhile, because these films are sequels, actual context is required, and that includes information on this Snoke fellow, where he came from, and how he undid the heroes’ victory from earlier. To see him get cut down has no significant dramatic impact because he’s such a vague concept both as a symbol and as a character (to say nothing of the fact that he came off as a discount Palpatine).

 
Conclusion
Having gone through my thoughts on the film, I’d say that my opinion of it has shifted somewhat. After my first viewing, I was ambivalent about the whole thing, and thought it rather uneven. After a second viewing, I’ve come to find myself, while not hating the movie, leaning somewhat toward disliking it as a whole. It’s not the worst movie ever, but I would not consider it anywhere near the best of the Star Wars films. It probably didn’t help that I’m not sure that the choice of director was ideal for making the next Empire.

I’ve made no secret of my less than positive feelings toward mainstream films that are designed to get decent Rotten Tomatoes scores without necessarily being great films in their own right. At the same time, there’s a quote from Rian Johnson about this sort of thing that kind of worries me even as it seemingly captures what I wanted out of a mainstream blockbuster:

“I would be worried if everybody across the board was like ‘yeah, it was a good movie’ it’s much more exciting to me when you get a group of people who are coming up to you who are really really excited about it. Then there are other people who walk out literally saying ‘it’s the worst movie I’ve ever seen.’ Having those two extremes is the mark of the type of movie that I want to make.”

While it would at first seem that he is trying to do something special, look at the quote again. He wants it to be either a “good” movie or “the worst movie.” That’s where I have a problem with his reasoning. A creator aiming for something beyond the norm should strive to make something that inspires belief that it is one of the all time greats or one of the worst works ever. Merely being “good” means being relegated to being somewhat above average. Better to instead go big or go home, because at least serious critics will argue over the merits of your work long after you’re gone.

My hopes for the next movie at this point are simple: that they manage to at least stick the landing and make a worthy finale to the capstone of three separate trilogies. I hope that the characters are actually written well and that maybe Rey’s darkness is properly explored instead of being reduced to the generic and poorly handled “strong female character” that she started out as. I hope that there is actual tension instead of forced conflict. I hope that instead of wallowing in nostalgia, the final film can instead develop its own identity. I hope that the writers remember that the story is a morality tale, and that it is righteousness that wins the day rather than power levels. I also hope that John Williams turns in a stronger score, because while the music for the sequels thus far has been passable, it hasn’t lived up to what we would expect of a franchise praised for its music.

But then again, maybe it’s just time for the franchise to end.

Things that Bug Me: Moral Greyness and Star Wars

So it’s almost that time of the year again. The time when Disney releases yet another new product of the Star War saga with the same interminable regularity with which they release their Marvel movies. Huzzah for our new corporate overlords. Huzzah for Disney continuing to dominate the movie studio market and grasping ever wider. But enough about that, let’s talk about one of the dumber things to come out of the pre-release buzz: moral greyness in a morality play like Star Wars.

So ever since the first trailer dropped (and I am not linking to it because I’m assuming that everyone and their mother has seen it. If you haven’t, lucky you.), people suddenly started to get into one of a tizzy about the potential for one of the old Expanded Universe ideas making its way into the new canon: Grey Jedi!

To be quite honest, the very concept is one that is insulting to anyone with a working brain, but then again, there are a lot of people out there without one posting their arguments on the Internet.

So let’s list some of the arguments and refute them, shall we?

Argument 1: Grey Jedi make sense because Yin/Yang
This argument is stupid because it comes out of video game sensibilities that violate the themes of the original films while not fitting in the slightest bit with Taoist philosophy. When you watch the original trilogy, the message is clear: the Dark Side is a bad thing given that it requires negative emotions to really work and in many ways also represents taking the easy way out (Luke: “Is the dark side stronger?” Yoda: “No, no, no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.”).

Unfortunately, it also lends itself well to power fantasies such as video games. Let’s face it, when you want to play a Force user in video games, chances are that you’d like to use the Dark Side to do things like blast lightning out of your fingertips or choke people to death. In a way, given the Dark Side’s emphasis on dominating others, it would make sense that the cool abilities it offers would be part of the lure to those tired of feeling weak.

Naturally, video game developers thus decided that they had to offer players a chance to live out their fantasies, which meant allowing players to use the Dark Side without falling to it. It’s fine in a game if such a thing is not meant to be canon, but when you start trying to apply this logic to that of the original movies, it simply doesn’t hold up under scrutiny.

Return of the Jedi features Luke at his most vulnerable on a spiritual level. He is clearly detached and tempted to the Dark Side throughout the film, and near the end, finds himself poised to succumb to its temptations. While he does overcome Vader on a physical level, the scene plays out like a tragedy: the music is mournful and Luke has almost repeated his father’s mistakes. The moment of triumph comes shortly afterward, when Luke refuses this temptation despite seeing the easy path to power it promises. There is no moral grayness here suggesting that it was a good thing for Luke to use the Dark Side to beat Vader down. To believe that is to misinterpret the message of the scene, to focus on the power fantasy instead of the moral lesson.

Finally, it does not match up with Taoism at all. People seem oddly convinced that the Light and the Dark must both be perfectly in balance, but this is a credulous assumption. If one side is objectively good and the other objectively evil, to use both makes no sense. It would not be a loss if all evil was wiped out, because a world without evil is a Paradise. If everyone was selfless and no one selfish, they’d carry out what they had to for the sake of everyone else, like some sort of utopian worker’s paradise. It does not match up with Yin and Yang, which eschews human notions of morality and instead focuses on the harmonious duality found in nature. Good and evil simply do not need to exist in the same world, although they do.

Besides which, I wonder what Pablo Hidalgo had to say about this?

Argument 2: It’s okay, because Light should work with Dark
Again, why should Good and Evil coexist? We know that if you believe in morality, then they do, but the notion that Evil is something that should exist is a faulty one. One does not need to work with the Devil. One does not need to feed the evil wolf. We tolerate self-centered people because we need their help in areas in which they might be able to offer it if we give them something in return, not because we like them.

Argument 3: It’s great because it matches modern sensibilities
This one just plain annoys me for various reasons. It annoys me because it is based on immature conceptions, because it overstates the value of compromise, because it has poor ramifications given the nature of the religions that inspired the Force, and because it fails to understand what made and continues to make Star Wars what it is.

By immature conceptions, I mean that it is based on immature conceptions of just what a great lesson in morality such a thing would be for the series’ audience. The idea that everything has to be morally ambiguous to be mature is akin to that which states that making things dark makes them deep. In short, it is a failure to understand what real maturity is in that maturity is about examining themes in a manner capable of nuance and not simply pandering to the blind optimists or the hopeless pessimists. This “oh, think of the children” approach could better be thought of as “oh, think of the manchildren who demand that SW become more ‘mature’ so that said manchildren (and womenchildren) can admit in public that they enjoy a story aimed at young audiences.”

Next up is my issue with the idea that it promotes compromise. Now compromise isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s not an ideal solution, but it is one that makes sense in a pluralistic society where opinions are not necessarily based on good or evil, but rather about how to best go about solving an issue. In real life, compromise is important, and is often one of the better ways to solve a problem. However, as I mentioned above, compromise is not an ideal solution. There will be times when you should not compromise, when it might actually be better to fight because sometimes compromising only adds to the problem rather than helping to fix it. You can’t compromise with some people and then try to pat yourself on the back for ensuring peace in your time. You should never compromise when something clearly evil is going on right in front of you (at least ideally). In fact, you could make the argument (but that would require a post in itself) that a lot of the world’s problems came when people compromised when they should have fought harder (and while at it, fought where they should have considered compromise). You should never compromise with a Dark Side user, at least from what we’ve seen, given that the Dark Side has been portrayed as objectively evil, or at the very least selfish.

My third issue with this argument has to do with the ramifications of it in regards to religion. The idea that it is a good thing to balance the selfish and the selfless makes sense if you believe in mediocrity, because that’s already what the average person tries to do. Rather, despite getting overly dogmatic and far removed from the reality on the ground in practice, in theory, the Jedi seemed to have the right idea in many respects. You should try to control your passions. You should try to avoid too much attachment. You should strive for an ideal instead of merely sticking with mediocrity. It fits with philosophies like Stoicism and Buddhism which are still practiced today. To say that certain ideals the Jedi espouse are wrong is to say that the philosophies and religions from which these ideals came are wrong, and that’s just stirring up a hornet’s nest.

Finally, there is the issue of such an argument missing out on the history of the series itself. The 1970s was a cynical period in American history. The country experienced social, economic, and political tumult, and this was reflected in American cinema, which considered gritty realism and moral ambiguity to be hip. Antiheroes waged seemingly hopeless battles against forces far beyond their ability to properly confront. The idealism of the 60s had given way to something far more sinister. It must have been a breath of fresh air when some cheesy looking science fantasy flick with an asthmatic cyborg villain, laser swords, corny dialogue, and a willingness to embrace the silly idealistic morality of yesteryear came out.

Despite what those ignorant of history might otherwise claim, the cynicism of today does not find itself unmatched. The 70s were not an idealistic, naive time, and I’m willing to bet that the Cold War inspired all sorts of dread. Given how nice the human race has it today in comparison to the past, I’m willing to bet that the people of the past were not naive yokels holding on to a false idealism, especially given all the wars and famines and whatnot making life hard. The attitude of those who think that the modern environment and its sensibilities requires a more cynical, morally ambiguous approach reeks of Whig History.

In fact, given the cynicism of modern society, I would argue that Star Wars needs all the more to remain idealistic. I argue that it needs to remain a tale of good triumphing over evil. I argue that it must remain so in order to remind all of us, as it did back in 1977, that there is good in the world, and that it is worth fighting for.

 
It is for these reasons that I really hope they don’t go down this path with the new movie. It would not only suck, but in hindsight completely violate the message of the older films. I honestly hope that my fears are unfounded and that the writing team knew better. Perhaps they did and the whole “grey” thing will turn out to be a red herring. But then again, I’m just some shiftless loser on the Internet. What do I know of appealing to audiences today or good storytelling?

Things That Sucked in Naruto: Sakura

Congrats to Haruno Sakura, who managed to suck harder than Tobito and Kaguya. She will now take her place as the highest form of suckage. Sakura is officially the single worst female lead I’ve come across since Bella Swan. If I still liked this series, I’d cry in a corner.

After several stalled attempts at developing into something useful, Sakura finally resolved to work together with Naruto in order to bring Sasuke back. The beginning of Part II saw her seemingly take the first big steps to fulfilling her promise, only for later arcs to feature her character development sliding backwards massively.

Granted, she would get a power-up and a couple of nice moments, but as detailed before, these felt half-assed and come off as something to tell readers “See? Sakura’s not completely useless after all.” These token attempts to turn a sow’s ear into a silk purse only made her failures stand out all the more, especially in regards to the goal she made after seemingly going from useless twat who fantasizes about the hot guy on her team to devoted friend and team mate who wants her team back together and is willing to work for it.

When it comes to actually bringing Sasuke back, it’s Naruto who is left to do all the heavy lifting, and Sakura is there to reap the spoils. Granted, one of the issues with the story is how redeemed antagonists seem to come back without anyone really remarking on the fact that they once were pretty bad people (the most Gaara gets is when Lee shows some unease at his return at the end of Part I). This is pretty bad given that a huge part of her aforementioned character development involved learning new skills and getting stronger so that she could be a part of the whole Team 7 reunification process.

Instead, all she does is cry and annoy the hell out of everyone. Her character development can pretty much be compared to walking in place, that’s how pointless it was. And to put the rotten cherry on the shit sundae, once Sasuke is good again, she disregards the fact that he was willing to let her die less than a day ago. In fact, after a brief time skip, her response to his leaving to find himself was to ask if she could go with him.

Cripes, this character is a waste of ink.

And if you don’t like what I have to say about her, well then fuck you and the white horse you rode the fuck in on.

Things That Rocked, Things That Sucked: The Final Chapters

With Kaguya sealed away and Madara dying his final death, Sasuke declared his intentions of creating a better world by assassinating the sleeping Gokage and acting as the enemy that would unite the world against him. As Sasuke’s first target, Naruto made clear that while he would not allow Sasuke to do whatever he wished, he would be sure to stop him without killing him. So began the final few chapters of Naruto.

 
Things that Sucked: Why It Was So Hard to Care About What Should Have Been the Most Anticipated Fight in the Story
After nearly 500 chapters, Naruto and Sasuke were finally having their rematch. Their first fight was a culmination of tensions that readers had witnessed between the two erstwhile teammates, rivals, and friends, and it managed to combine spectacle with genuine emotion, resulting in one of the high points of the entire story. This second battle was about more than emotions and bonds, it was also about their respective ideals and the legacy passed down by Hagoromo’s fateful choices way back when. So why does it seem to fall flat despite having every reason to be the most exciting thing in the entire story? A variety of reasons actually, ranging from issues with story structure, repetitive plotting, and less than stellar characterization.

First of all, let us be reminded that this fight follows directly on the heels of the war, which resolved the overarching myth arc pertaining to the legacy of Kaguya and its impact upon the rest of the world. Already the series will have to top what was up to this point the most over the top spectacle in the entire story. Granted, this should be possible with the right emotional content, but we will be getting to that later. Another issue in this vein is the way everything has been paced, namely, that it goes against the standard rules for creating tension through rising action followed by a falling action and climax that lead into a resolution.

When building suspense, a story has to set up details that will come into play later, ramping up tension as it introduces characters and conflicts. The overarching plotlines of this series did this for the myth arc and the conflict between Naruto and Sasuke, tying them together while keeping them somewhat separated. As I mentioned above, the former plotlines were tied up with the defeats of Obito, Madara, and Kaguya, leaving room for Sasuke to take his place as the most personal of Naruto’s antagonists. The problem however, is the pacing.

Sasuke isn’t just becoming the main problem for Naruto after those three; he is becoming the main problem right after, as in just a minute later within the story itself. As a result of this, there is less room for the story to breathe and allow for the reader to not only digest past events, but to also build up tension toward the fight with Sasuke. What makes the climax and falling action so cathartic an experience is that it is the equivalent of letting the air out of the balloon after inflating it to the point where it is on the verge of bursting. For Sasuke to follow so quickly afterward keeps readers from not only moving past the other resolutions, but also from being able to actually feel as much tension despite the story having tried to build him up for so long beforehand. This ties into another issue, the repetitive plotting.

The final arcs of the manga had featured a series of rehashed villains within a rather short period of time. First we had Obito, a hybrid of Senju and Uchiha DNA who became the jinchuriki of the Ten-Tailed Beast and was in an ideological conflict with Naruto. Then, we had Madara (Sasuke’s predecessor as incarnations of Indra), a hybrid of Senju and Uchiha DNA who became the jinchuriki of the Ten-Tailed Beast who was in ideological conflict with Hashirama (Naruto’s predecessor as incarnations of Ashura). Next, we had Kaguya, the origin of the Sage’s bloodlines who turned out to be the Ten-Tailed Beast, having merged with the World Tree, and in conflict with everyone who does not look forward to being turned into a plant-human hybrid incapable of defecation. Finally, we had Sasuke, the latest of Indra’s incarnations with the power of the Sage’s eyes who is in ideological conflict with Naruto. Once again, we had a member of the Sage’s line using ocular powers to enforce their ideals. All of this within a relatively short time both within and outside of the story. It does not help that these repetitive “climaxes” thus wound up sapping the readers’ energy, leaving them spent just when the story had reached the point when they should have been at a high point of stored tension, resulting in diminishing returns in terms of actual emotional impact.

The final issue with the fight as it is now happens to be the two characters themselves. Since their fight at the end of Part I, Naruto and Sasuke have become less interesting characters as a whole, although one could argue that this extends to the rest of the cast as well. Naruto has lost much of the fire that defined his earlier self, and while this can be taken as a sign of his growing maturity, it is disconcerting to see him expressing less passion against people he should be less than happy with than he did earlier in the story. When he lashed out at Sasuke earlier on, it made sense because he was a young man desperate to save his friend from his own self-destructive nature. It added a reason for readers to care about what was at stake. Here, Naruto wants to save his friend and keep his promise to Sakura and those who tasked him with saving the shinobi world, but there is a surprising lack of emotion to make his struggle more relatable. There’s only calm even when witnessing Sasuke use a painful illusion on Sakura and hearing of his plans to destroy the old system in the most destructive manner possible.

Meanwhile, Sasuke has been one of the most awkwardly handled elements of the entire story. While he deliberately made himself an enigma in the earlier sections of Part II, later sections of the plot saw him swing this way and that as a character, as Kishimoto clearly had little handle of the character. One moment saw him find strength in the power of his bonds by thinking back to his time with Team 7, only for him to pull a 180 not much later in the Land of Iron. After that, he lacked any real sort of conviction, and only appeared to settle as a character after Itachi’s departure and his talk with the Hokage. It became much harder to comprehend his character as a whole, and this in turn exacerbated reader apathy toward him, as he became harder and harder to sympathize with in spite of the story’s ham-fisted attempts to give him an out for his misdeeds.

Taking things further is the problem with each character’s approach to solving the world’s problems. Naruto’s approach is less a plan than a Hallmark card, and while a little idealism goes a long way, it goes so much better when there is something cohesive to back it up. At the same time, Sasuke’s is naïve in its own way, and is in the end just a short-term solution, except this Band-Aid is going to pull out more than hair.

A well-executed fight is more than choreography and spectacle. It is also about the externalization of internal tensions as they boil over from the realm of the mental and emotional to the outright physical. The fight at the end of Part I did just that, as it took the growing tensions between Naruto and Sasuke to their logical conclusion. It should mean something here, but with the characters as they are now, there is little to work with. We know that there are ingredients for tension, but we don’t really feel these ingredients.

Due to the poor story construction, the repetitive storytelling, and the less than likeable characters, what should have been by all means the highlight of this series feels tepid and nothing more than a period to end the sentence rather than the exclamation mark that signifies its position as the story’s true climax. Much has been said about the decline of Naruto over the years, but if one were to take but one section of the story as an example of this rotting, one need only look at the execution of what is meant to be the decisive battle between Naruto and Sasuke.

 
Things That Sucked: The Beginning of the Fight
Yay, more attacks that make the stuff that came before this look small-scale. It’s amazing how a manga that once brought up the limitations of jutsu and their associated costs managed to turn into Dragon Ball. But at least it led into

 
Things That Weren’t All That Bad Actually: The Fight’s Final Two Chapters
Once the fight became a matter of two exhausted young men engaging each other with basic tools and taijutsu, things took a turn for the better. Where fighting with mechas made out of chakra feels impersonal and ridiculous, fighting with one’s own fists, legs, and even head feels intimate and “real.” Only by engaging each other at such a personal level could Naruto and Sasuke properly show readers the culmination of their emotional struggle after all these years in both real and the manga’s time. Their final clash, with an Amaterasu-empowered Chidori on Sasuke’s end and a Rasengan on Naruto’s, echoed a familiar visual motif in their battles, with both of the characters’ arms blown off below the elbows. They had been literally and figuratively disarmed, and with their weapons cast aside, now was the time to communicate and fight whatever battle there was left to be fought with words.

This conversation was a surprisingly heartfelt one. Sasuke admitted to his insecurities and just why he was so rough with Naruto (although I think that this could have been hinted at earlier, but foreshadowing wasn’t exactly Kishimoto’s strong suit after a certain point). Sasuke was forced to acknowledge that he had always respected and envied his closest rival and friend, admitting defeat even as his former team mate continued to claim that he was still aiming to beat him down. Having finally met an immovable object, Sasuke’s hatred-fueled path was forced to a complete stop.

While this moment could have been so much more powerful if the writing leading up to it had been more stellar, what we got wasn’t half-bad—a breath of fresh air in a sea of mediocrity. At this point, things seemed to be taking a turn for the better. I actually felt hope that Kishimoto would be able to end his series on a high note after an extended period of horrendous writing. Let’s face it; you can’t disappoint people if you don’t get their hopes up beforehand.

 
Things That Didn’t Suck Entirely: Wrapping Things Up
I have to admit that I almost felt something reading these last two chapters. Certain things aside, I did think Sasuke’s chapter was decent enough, even if Orochimaru and Kabuto wound up disappearing and Spiral Zetsu literally fell to pieces for some reason. The next chapter is similar in that it evokes feelings of nostalgia that are countered by moments where readers can’t help but go “what the fuck am I reading?”

While it was actually nice to see the story come to a close, there were some rather perplexing developments there. First of all, fat Anko. Fat Anko. Yes, the first woman in this series you might have considered masturbating to got fat. Probably from all that dango. Then there’s the woman Choji married and had a child with. Karui. Really. Did they even have a conversation during the main storyline? On the other hand, at least it subverted clichés about how childhood romances lead to lifelong relationships. Speaking of marriage, isn’t it strange how the two couples involving Team 7’s core members featured no interaction between partners whatsoever? Also, in attempting to parallel his ending chapter with the very first one, Kishimoto decides to have Naruto’s son vandalize the Hokage monument. The problem with this is a similar one to that pointed out by Red Letter Media when discussing the use of parallels and call forwards in the Star Wars prequels, namely that the author seems to have failed to understand the significance of the original scenes.

In Chapter 1, Naruto vandalizes the monument because it is but one of his usual cries for attention. He does this because he’s an orphan and has no friends or family to speak of. Furthermore, the adults hate him for a reason he has no control over, with their kids not treating him that much better. What seems to initially be the work of a childish (well, he was a kid) prankster turns into something a bit more tragic. In Chapter 700, his son does the same thing, and it is implied that his father is an absent figure in his life. This is rather strange given that he has the chakra reserves to have a shadow clone or two hang out with his kid while he’s busy with work on occasion, although he might just want to avoid the mental strain. Why is Naruto such a poor father? Yeah, he’s often busy with work, but you would think that he would be aware (on a very personal level) of what neglect does to a child. You would think that he wouldn’t leave Hinata to handle the child rearing. You would think that he’d do better than be annoyed at how his kid’s behavior reflects on him. Well, you apparently thought wrong. Well, it’s not like Sasuke’s any better as a parent judging by his daughter’s thoughts (so is the Uchiha curse still a thing, or can we not have to worry too much about a future Uchiha going nanners when their crush dies?).

It’s also a tad concerning that no follow-up was ever made to Naruto’s being made to understand just how negatively the actions of the superpowers had impacted smaller countries. We never did find out what happened to Rain after Konan died. In fact, not one mention is made of the smaller nations in this final chapter despite their resentment playing a part in what was the Akatsuki’s public plan.

 
Conclusion
This finale capped off a series that should have ended years ago. It’s not all bad, with certain parts of the final battle actually working and the final two chapters having their good points. The problem is that readers could not appreciate what they got as much as they otherwise could have due to so much poor writing going on beforehand.

Still, even with all I’ve written so far, there is still more to be said about Naruto and its weaknesses. You should see what I mean soon enough.

Things that Rocked, Things that Sucked: Kaguya Ōtsutsuki Strikes

With this arc, the story finally began to go somewhere as Madara initiated the Moon’s Eye Plan only to find himself betrayed by Black Zetsu, who revealed that he was actually working on behalf of Kaguya, mother of the Sage of Six Paths and his brother (note that two of those characters were never so much as brought up in any shape or form until the final stages of the war). With this, Kaguya was revived and the true nature of the Moon’s Eye Plan was—oh fuck it, it’s all dreck. To make a long story short: newly introduced progenitor of chakra users was behind everything and wants to turn everyone into White Zetsu for reasons. Good guys finally get a chance to beat up a woman. They do.

In case you haven’t figured out by this point, it was clear that Naruto just plain sucked to read due to the writing having increasingly taken a turn for the worse over several years, with each arc seemingly attempting to outdo the last in how bad things could get. If one could take solace in anything, it was that at least the story was nearly over.

 
Things That Rocked: Black Zetsu Entertains Us
I will say this about the arc, if one was to name the real star of it, Black Zetsu would be a serious candidate by virtue of his constant fucking with people. Let’s look at how he proceeded to screw with Obito, Minato, and Madara, in that order.

First up, Obito was about to piss off readers by becoming even more of a Nagato clone, sacrificing his life to use Rinne Tensei in order to revive all the people he’d killed during the war. It was a disappointing but not altogether unexpected development given expectations after Neji died in light of Obito being yet another foil to Naruto. But what’s this? Black Zetsu enters the scene, having escaped Chojuro’s notice with ease, takes over Obito’s body (somewhat), and resurrects Madara instead! Holy shit, yes! Thank you, Based Black Zetsu!

Then, when Minato decided that he’d be a good father for once in his pathetic existence, he had a convenient flashback to set the mood as he transferred the other half of Kurama’s chakra into Naruto (weird that he somehow managed to master using said chakra despite dying right after the sealing). As with that really dumb moment near the end of the first Matrix movie where Trinity doesn’t know when to save the spiel until after the good guys are out of the Matrix, this bought Black Zetsu enough time to fucking snatch that shit away at the last moment. That’s right! Just as Minato holds out his hand to transfer Kurama’s other half, Black Zetsu jumps up in between him and Naruto’s dying body, and fucking snatches that shit. Granted, Obito would fight back soon afterward, but that was still funny, and yet another mark on Minato’s record of constant failure.

Finally, when Madara stood victorious, having initiated the Infinite Tsukuyomi and preparing to take out Team 7, guess who stabs him in the back. Three guesses, first two don’t count. Black fucking Zetsu, that’s who!

Black Zetsu, take a bow.

 
Things that Sucked: A Dumb Way to Handle Madara
But don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean that the story handled Madara’s defeat well. The guy was a poorly written villain that was so powerful and given so many outs that it was clear that only the author could save the characters. So how do you find a way to have the good guys beat him? First came another one of them last minute powerups that Kishimoto saw fit to keep giving his two main characters. However, when that didn’t prove enough, he decided to have Black Zetsu fuck over Madara for the sake of Kaguya’s revival. No satisfying victory ripped from the jaws of defeat over the smug villain here, just an excuse for Kishimoto to have the good guys beat up a cardboard cutout of an antagonist. Speaking of which…

 
Things that Sucked: Kaguya
How much can a character who was introduced into the backstory within the very same and overlong arc and then shoehorned into the main plot suck?

Masashi Kishimoto attempts to answer this difficult question by revealing that Kaguya, a character who was not revealed until near the endgame, was actually behind Black Zetsu, who was in turn the true mastermind of the clusterfuck that is this manga’s villainous schemes.

Despite it seeming that Madara was the real mastermind behind everything that was going on, wait for it, he was actually being manipulated this entire time by Black Zetsu. Who was pretending to be a homunculus created by Madara’s will. When in reality he was created by Kaguya, the mother of the Sage of Six Paths. The very same Kaguya who was only introduced into the when Madara was talking about what he discovered when he read the tablet. Apparently, she was a tyrannical bitch who manifested the Ten Tails to reclaim her chakra from her sons. Also, Zetsu was actually behind the Uchiha madness, going from Uchiha to Uchiha in order to corrupt them in order to bring about the conditions necessary to revive Kaguya. Retcons galore! Shocking swerves galore!

There are so many things wrong with this particular development. First of all, look at all the information it retcons. Now, retcons by themselves aren’t necessarily a bad thing. However, retconning details that had only become relevant within this very arc on the other hand, is near the height of stupidly bad writing. You can’t reveal that previously revealed information was inaccurate and expect it to hit the reader when said information was relatively recent in its conveyance.

Second, it continues a pattern of Kishimoto failing to write decent female characters. Kaguya is a completely flat character with little personality other than wanting her power back at all costs. She doesn’t speak much, her tactical thinking sucks, and everything she has to say or do depends on what exposition Black Zetsu has to offer. She’s nothing more than an antagonistic entity without any character. Now this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Some antagonists without much character can work because they serve as blank slates for viewpoint characters to play off. Moby Dick has no real personality by virtue of being a whale, but it is Ahab’s obsession that drives the conflict. Lovecraftian horrors could care less about humanity, but this indifference is part of what makes cosmic horror as a genre so damned terrifying on an existential level. Kaguya does not offer any of these things. She’s there to be an antagonist. She doesn’t feel like a force of nature. She doesn’t feel like a god given how quickly Naruto and company turn things around. And she most definitely doesn’t provide much space for anyone to frigging project anything onto. She’s wallpaper.

Third, it’s simply a twist for the sake of having a twist. It wasn’t properly foreshadowed. The character has little connection to current events or people. And it further pads what was already a heavily bloated arc. You don’t just foreshadow a huge twist within a short arc and expect it to work. Otherwise you wind up with the Espada twist all over again. Kaguya has no real relationship with any of the characters. As a result of that, there’s little emotional investment and character interaction for Kishimoto to work with. At least Madara and Obito—hugely flawed in their execution as they were—had some connection to the main story. Meanwhile, this climax continues long past the point where it was somewhat interesting. This is the equivalent of expanding the final battle sequence in The Avengers into something as long as the rest of the movie. Do you know how old what was an otherwise awesome, if slightly long climax like that would have gotten? The war arc had up to this point gone on for nearly 200 chapters. A story can’t breathe if the frigging climax keeps going and going and going like the fucking Energizer Bunny.

Fourth, it introduces extraterrestrials into the story. Introducing aliens and/or time travel into a plot that has never so much as hinted at either is usually a good sign that an author is out of ideas. It was worse than the whole Ten Tails thing because this is the sort of thing that people joke about when discussing just how bad a story can possibly get. And yet, here it was.

What makes it worse is that it absolves the system, the system of people who thought myopically in spite of their good intentions, the system whose existence created the incredibly flawed world of Naruto, the system that was implied to be the biggest enemy of those who sought reform, the system whose existence led to both heroes and villains coming up with plans to change it, of any and all blame. All the bad things that have happened? Blame the Uchiha, who were in turn being used by Zetsu, who was in turn created by Kaguya for the purpose of coming back to life.

Kaguya, thy name is suck.

 
Things that Sucked: The Fight
The battle itself was another problem with the arc given its poor structure and some of the odder elements of the fight.

First off, there was little in the way of real strategy and hackneyed attempts at teamwork. We had Naruto try to use a feint, but that didn’t really amount to anything, and for the most part, the fight involved each side to trying to overwhelm the other with brute force. Black Zetsu did all the thinking for Kaguya, who used her teleportation skills rather poorly given the potential applications, and only wound up harming her own cause at one point (see the results of the high gravity environment). Meanwhile, Team 7’s group effort at the end didn’t feel all that earned given what had happened shortly before and what would happen shortly after the fight.

A second issue was that the battle lacked much in the way of in-story logic. By this, I refer to Obito somehow managing to intervene all the way from the afterlife despite the lack of precedent in this sort of thing throughout the series, which had for the most part been somewhat ambiguous about the nature of the great hereafter aside from the glimpse offered by Kakashi’s meeting with Sakumo earlier in the story. Instead of being satisfying, it was merely distracting and an excuse for Kishimoto to throw the video game developers another bone.

 
Things that Sucked: It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Filler
Another issue with this battle is that it ultimately came off as glorified filler. Think of it this way: aside from offering a solution for dealing with Madara, what actually changed in the greater context of the story once Kaguya and her plans were revealed? I guess Black Zetsu was dealt with, but even he wasn’t really the major threat in the arc. Obito did die, but he was dying one way or another.

Let’s face it: aside from some mostly minor details (and Madara), Kaguya had no real lasting impact save for the stuff that comes up in sequels set after the series proper, and Sasuke was going to do what he did anyway.

 
Things that Bugged Me: Why Were the Kage Necessary for the Summoning?
No really, why were the ghosts of all the previous Gokage necessary to summon our heroes back to their dimension? I could understand needing assistance to summon them and perhaps skill in controlling their chakras along with deep knowledge of such a technique, but were these the best choices? I guess it was fanservice, really.

 
Conclusion
The best part of the arc, Black Zetsu’s antics aside, was when it ended. It was basically poorly written filler revolving around a crappy twist that was used to get the story from Point A (the problem of Madara) to Point C (the defeat of Madara and Black Zetsu). Unfortunately, unlike most content used to pad out stories, this arc proved relevant to sequels and spinoff material. On the other hand, you can do what I do whenever I come across most of said material: ignore it completely and chuckle at all the poor stupid bastards still spending money on this franchise.

 

Yet Another ‘Rogue One’-Related Article

Author’s Note: I’m just posting this to get it off my chest and maybe compensate for releasing such a short TTR/TTS compared to the usual, so the post won’t be all that polished (not that my other posts can be considered as such when you think about it), nor all that long.

I’m pretty sure we’re all sick and tired about any discussion of last year’s Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. I know I am. Still, because I have little better to do at the moment, I may as well bring up one issue I had with that movie which doesn’t get as much prominence as I feel it deserves.

Rogue One was billed by its creators as a grittier, more grounded war film. This was supposed to be something different from what was usually presented in the Star Wars setting, but when you think about it, that wasn’t really true so much as yet another claim to promote the film just like how The Force Awakens kept publicizing its so-called emphasis on practical effects.

The problem with the movie is simple: it suffered from a major identity crisis. By that I mean that RO could not decide whether it wanted to be a gritty war movie or a Star Wars film. Sure, there’s an emphasis on the darker side of the Rebellion and the oppressiveness of the Empire’s rule, along with an emphasis on characters who should not stand out nearly as much from the crowd as the main characters in the other films do. But at the same time, this attempt to ground the movie fails hard.

Take for example the continued poor showing of stormtroopers. In the original movie, the troopers were said to be well-trained and professional troops who managed to quickly overrun the defenders on the Tantive IV. When they failed to hit the good guys and let them escape, it was because the Empire wanted to track the Rebels to their hidden base. When the heroes did interact with them in other films, we figured that they could get away with humiliating these guys because these were supposed to be lighter films where good prevailed and the main characters were wearing thick plot armor. In RO, on the other hand, stormtroopers continued to be faceless mooks who got taken down with ease. For some inexplicable reason, characters could easily take out several of them with blunt weapons instead of blasters. A more grounded movie might have tried to emphasize that for “normal” characters, taking on stormtroopers was not nearly as easy due to the fact that they were “normal” people taking on professional soldiers.

A second issue is the fact that despite claiming that this was supposed to be a more grounded movie, it retained the soap opera aspects of the other films. By that, I referred to how the main character turned out to have a close connection to the people behind the Death Star. Of course, Jyn is related to the guy who ensured that the station was vulnerable to a proton torpedo fired directly into a small exhaust port (by the way, there was never a plot hole given that you wouldn’t expect anyone not using the Force to successfully make that shot).

On top of that was the treatment of the Empire. Here, the Empire was portrayed as this totalitarian and monolithic government that the original movies had implied they were. However, the movie goes and ruins that with one scene.

If you haven’t guessed which scene I’m talking about, it’s the infamous scene with Vader on the Rebel flagship.

Why is that scene such a problem, you ask? Well, it goes completely against how the movie wants to portray the Empire. The Empire isn’t meant to be cool. It’s a terrible form of government that ruins lives, with its ranks being made up of monsters, backstabbers, and incompetents. It’s rather telling that the primary focus among the bad guys was Director Krennic, who is the closest thing to a mundane representative of the evil that is the Empire in the series. However, that one sequence goes against everything that has come before it by making Darth Vader look cool. Don’t give me any BS about it making him scary. If they’d made it scary, little kids would be too terrified to continue watching the film while Vader brutally slaughtered Rebels in a scene right out of a horror movie. No, this scene made Darth Vader look cool as he cut through Rebels like butter. The only people who would find the scene scary are the sort of wusses that are afraid to leave the house and post some of the more ridiculous content to the “Nightmare Fuel” pages on TV Tropes. Furthermore, the scene also overshadows the rest of the movie. It doesn’t help that the plot is forgettable and the characters so uninteresting, making it all the easier to forget about everything except for Darth Vader looking cool. So much for a story focusing on something outside of the main cast, huh?

And to be honest, the ending wasn’t all that special in how dark it tried to be. Sure, the main cast was killed off, but it was hard to care about them. Furthermore, the series had already given a darker ending in the form of Revenge of the Sith‘s ending, which ended with the Sith victorious, a lot of people dead or changed for the worse, and the good guys holding on to their last hope. Before that, The Empire Strikes Back had done a good job of establishing a much darker tone than its predecessor.

All in all, on top of its many other issues, RO just didn’t know what kind of movie it wanted to be. All we can do now is hope that the upcoming movies aren’t nearly as unsure of what they hope to achieve, and are worth watching beyond highlight moments uploaded to YouTube.

Things That Rocked, Things That Sucked: Birth of the Ten-Tails’ Jinchūriki

After the interminable battle against the three antagonists that went nowhere for Jashin knows how long, something finally happened when Obito made himself the ten-tails’ jinchūriki. The fight against him was followed by another against Madara, who repeated his protégé’s actions before successfully initiating the Moon’s Eye Plan. Spoiler alert: the arc continued the pattern of sucking established by previous ones.

 
Things That Sucked: What Was the Point of Obito?
What exactly was the point of Obito’s character? He came off as unnecessary padding when he was revealed as Tobi, and kind of stole Nagato’s thunder as Naruto’s foil by being the exact same thing. Not only that, but his battle stretched out the story to the point of ridiculousness, not helped at all by how one-note his character wound up being and how lacking he was in posing a credible threat. The fight against him could basically be described as “Obito does something. The other side counters without taking significant damage. Obito does something. The other side counters without taking significant damage. Rinse and repeat until Obito is defeated.” Hell, his very presence afterward was borderline unneeded given that we could have had Kakashi taking much of his role in the fight against Kaguya.

It doesn’t help that Rin’s death was so stupid. I mean, why couldn’t she escape and have someone skilled with seals help her? Why did she feel the need to traumatize Kakashi? Kishimoto’s attempt to justify her lack of intelligence just raised the question of how in the hell Madara could have planned ahead so far without being able to see into the future.

His defeat only made things worse. Why was it that only Naruto’s Konoha peers could get power-ups to help him take down Obito? Did the other villages simply not matter in the end? Oh wait, they got a chance to contribute to the whole chakra tug-of-war thing that was set up since Naruto took on Kurama. Shame that it didn’t really feel as dramatic as it should have given that the readers weren’t given much of an opportunity to bond with these side characters.

Going back to Obito proper, just what was the point of him? Was he meant to be Kishimoto’s attempt at offering social commentary on otaku obsessed with fantasy worlds with young cute girls that they can spend all their time adoring? Is that why Obito was trying to ignore reality while acting with a childish sense of justice and fairness that he tried to cover up with edgy cynicism? Am I just reading too much into this in a pathetic attempt at trying to find something that redeems the shitfest that was Obito’s character?

 
Things That Didn’t Blow Entirely: The First Kage Summit
As boring and pointless as Hashirama’s speech felt due to the fact that this fight just went on and on and on without Obito actually coming off as a credible threat, at least it introduced us to the first kage from each of the other villages, so yay for minor world building.

The designs weren’t half bad either. The two Kazekage looked awesome: one had the appearance of a cool professional who’s always dressed in his military attire, while the other looked like a gang member (who was not to be confused with that one samurai). The first Raikage looked like Hendrix and it would be sweet as hell if it turned out he used an electric guitar as his personal weapon. This detail also gives readers an idea of the design motifs of Kumogakure, as they went from the Hendrix and Blaxploitation era (judging by the appearance of the second Raikage) to a more wrestling and rap-laden one (subtle, Kishimoto). I wonder what motifs a future Kumogakure would go with. In regards to Iwagakure’s representatives, we’d already seen these characters, and honestly, Mu looks better with the Edo Tensei eyes, at least in my opinion. As for the Mizukage, it was odd seeing the first and third lords there, but I figure that maybe Trollkage was left behind to keep the village safe. Or based on my head canon, it was because they were afraid he’d be himself and start a war or something at the summit. Anyway, it also suggests that the second lord wasn’t Mizukage for long, based on the fact that one of his peers wound up leading the village.

As for Konoha, Hashirama came off as overly naïve, making it harder to take him seriously as a leader. You would expect someone like him to have some modicum of a statesman’s attitude as the founder and leader of the greatest village. I get that there was supposed to be a parallel between him and Naruto, but you would expect the founding leader of a shinobi village to maintain some level of dignity and rationality.

 
Things That Sucked: To Be Sung to the Tune of “The Song That Never Ends”
This is the arc that doesn’t end,
yes it goes on and on my friend.
Some people started reading it,
not knowing what it was,
and they’ll continue reading it forever just because

This is the arc that doesn’t end,
yes it goes on and on my friend.
The Alliance wasn’t worth shit
cause shit was all it was,
and these pointless characters stayed useless just because

This is the arc that doesn’t end,
yes it goes on and on my friend.
Obito started talking shit
and that’s just what it was,
and we just kept on reading this total shit just because

This is the arc that doesn’t end,
yes it goes on and on my friend.
Minato said something stupid,
calling the boys the stars,
while the audience wasted their time reading just because

This is the arc that doesn’t end,
yes it goes on and on my friend.
The plot just kept repeating, as
Kishi wrote from his arse,
and it seemed that there was no end to this farce just because

This is the arc that doesn’t end,
yes it goes on and on my friend.
Insert your own lyrics right here,
If you feel the need to vent,
And I would not blame you if you feel the need just because

This is the arc that doesn’t end,
yes it goes on and on my friend…

 
Things That Sucked: Here We Go Again
After the interminable experience that was dealing with Obito, Kishimoto decided to have Madara do pretty much the same thing, except go much further, because your plots can only get so repetitive. It didn’t help that Madara came off as overpowered once he was revived. The guy casually laid waste to the Alliance and all nine biju, quickly sealing them away in seconds, a task that required days for nine members of the Akatsuki working together, but fuck it, the story had ceased to engage in any sort of coherence and consistency some arcs back. He also used Susano’o without having any eyes, and took down the first two Hokage like it was nothing despite only having one of his Rinnegan at the time. It was clear that the author cared as much about the story as the average reader did by this point.

 
Things That Kind-Of Rocked: At Least He’s Threatening
I will say this about Madara though: at least he managed to seem threatening compared to Obito (although that’s not exactly difficult). He actually succeeded in dealing fatal wounds to Naruto and Sasuke, who were saved only by the almighty power of the plot. A shame then that they were then revived in a hilariously cheap manner (more on that below).

 
Things That Sucked: The Biju Suck
Once freed, the biju decided to handle the brunt of the work against Madara. However, after a promising start that had them smack him around like he was a pinball, they proved useless in spite of their supposedly immense power, getting humiliated and sealed away by their one-eyed opponent.

It’s kind of hard to believe that these things were so feared given how quickly they became irrelevant as anything other than chakra batteries. This was repeated right after the fight against Princess Blandface, when Sasuke hypnotized them and placed them in miniature satellites. Isn’t it amazing how insane the power levels became that even the tailed beasts became pointless?

 
Things That Rocked: Holy Shit, Sakura!
As much of a disappointment as Sakura has been throughout this series, I will admit to being impressed by the emergency treatment she gave Naruto after Kurama was extracted from him. I mean, holy shit, she cut into his side, through his ribs, just so she could manually pump his heart. All the while, she had to focus on breathing air into his lungs using CPR! Damn!

I have to give her some kudos here. Shame Kishimoto couldn’t let her do anything nearly as impressive in the couple hundred chapters before that one.

 
Things That Sucked: Karin, WTF?
Meanwhile, Karin proceeded to show off the fact that she was an Uzumaki, somehow manifesting the chakra chains characteristic of the clan to assist in taking down Spiral Zetsu. The problem with this is one question: where the fuck did this even come from?!

You would think that Karin would use this sort of jutsu in other dangerous situations, like back when Danzo had Sasuke dead to rights. But no, let’s give the video game developers a new technique to work with by giving her fucking chakra chains. This was yet another detail proving that Kishimoto just didn’t care anymore.
 
 
Things That Sucked: Yet Another Unearned Power-Up
So Naruto and Sasuke wind up in some sort of limbo, where the separately come across the Sage of Six Paths! He then proceeded to remind readers just why a certain scene in the second Matrix movie pissed them off so much by dumping exposition on them. Oh, and he also revealed that once again, hard work doesn’t mean shit compared to being descended from the origin of all chakra.

The problem with info dumps like this is that they slow down a story and grant a false reprieve from the rising action of the story. It’s one thing to end an arc and then have exposition delivered to the reader, because then the action is at a low point, allowing readers a chance to absorb information readily instead of wanting to get back to the action.

It also didn’t help that this was the umpteenth power-up that Naruto had gotten during the arc, as it shat on both power levels and previous training and power-ups. In the past, at least the growth of the characters was paralleled with their growth as ninjas. Here, it was just the latest in a long line of handouts after the previous super-duper power-up proved lacking.

 
Things That Rocked: The Eighth Gate
In order to distract readers from how crappy this series has become, Kishimoto brought put a big gun: he had Guy make a heroic sacrifice in order to hold off Madara. That meant unleashing the power of the…dramatic pause…EIGHTH GATE!

The fabled eighth gate that had been foreshadowed since early in Part One! The fabled eighth gate that was said to grant users ability surpassing the kage! The fabled eighth gate that was here to reward readers for sticking around this long!

Guy then proceeded to open up a can of whoop-ass that almost made me forgive Kishimoto’s previous transgressions. While the nature of his earlier attacks didn’t really strike a chord due to being yet another example of huge attack equals some variant of lasers and long-range strikes, once he started getting up close and warping space and fucking smashing Madara’s torso in, things got fucking awesome! It wasn’t enough to win, but just enough to buy time, making it so that Guy went out with a bang.

It sucks though that Naruto’s latest power-up completely invalidated the drama of this event.

 
Things That Bugged Me: Eye Surgery is Easy
So Naruto proceeded to reverse the fatal effects of opening the final gate, allowing Guy to live. Meh, but I suppose you have to show off the power of the Yang end of the Sage’s line somehow. But in an act that made Sakura even more useless than she was before, he also somehow regenerates an entire eye after Madara plucked the Sharingan away for his own personal use.

Meanwhile, Madara somehow can just use people’s eyes after plucking them out of their sockets and sticking them into his own. That’s actually a thing after Kakashi’s backstory made it so that someone trained in medicine and surgery had to be around to make sure the organ transplant worked.

Anyway, Madara took Obito’s eye, warped to the Kamui realm, proceeded to take back his other Rinnegan, and then gave the other eye back to Obito who was being possessed by Black Zetsu. Who for some stupid reason didn’t get rid of Obito even though he probably didn’t need him alive after Madara won his little temporary victory.

 
Conclusion
After the other arc reviews, this one might seem quite short. The reason for that is obvious: there wasn’t much of interest to say, and what I did have to say tended toward the negative. By this point, it’s hard to sustain an extended review when it’s comprised mostly of bile. Furthermore, to be honest, by this point, my enthusiasm for the story was so low that it was difficult to muster up the energy to want to write anything about this crap. At least the series was almost over at this point.

On Disney’s Mastery of the Crowd-Pleaser

I cannot help but feel a mixture of admiration and dread whenever I look at Disney’s spate of upcoming blockbusters. There is something amazing about how the company has seemingly perfected the science of creating a corporate production line of crowd pleasing tentpole films that not only make significant amounts of money, but also succeed in winning over the majority of critics. At the same time however, there is something almost horrifying in how efficient they are in polishing their products.

In case you’ve been living under a rock, Disney has in recent years succeeded in producing a bunch of big-budget flicks that make make money on command while also getting fresh Rotten Tomatoes scores. The movies are spectacles in many senses of the word, if often forgettable; good but not great, but rarely bad due to being well executed on a technical level. They’re also safe and polished in their mediocrity so that while they won’t find themselves on lists of the greatest films of all time due to their lack of ambition, their aforementioned polish should at least ensure that few critics give negative reviews. They provide audiences their money’s worth, so viewers are unlikely to think poorly of the product even if they won’t remember it within a few years, if not a few months. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a family-friendly restaurant franchise.

These movies, while not original properties, do succeed in part because of their nature as continuations of franchises. They can take the form of live-action remakes (although the upcoming Lion King is taking a step further by presumably being an animated remake of the original film), entries in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and the newly restored Star Wars Cinematic Universe.

The live-action remakes appeal to adults who wish to engage in nostalgia alongside their children and recapture their lost youths, rolling out in a format that is more appropriate for grown-ups too embarrassed to admit they enjoy animated movies for children (as they likely never emotionally developed past the adolescent phase wherein a teenager shuns the childish things they enjoy lest they be seen as anything other than ‘adult.’ Not to say that all adults who watch these movies are like this. Others might just be overgrown children who seek nostalgia and escapism to forget just how much they hate their lives).

The MCU is as assembly line as it gets. We get the standard three acts of most Hollywood screenplays for almost every introductory film: protagonist failing to meet their full potential comes across a (likely expendable) mentor or some other supportive figure who helps them achieve their potential (becoming a superhero). Hero battles and defeats forgettable villain, while somehow winning the love of a forgettable love interest. Cue sequel hook and tie-ins to the rest of the MCU.

This isn’t to say that I hate the MCU’s content. I rather liked Iron Man and even appreciated the pulpy period war movie that was the first Captain America. The first Avengers was a lot of fun, and the second CA movie was pretty good too. But even then, once you notice the formula (and don’t throw any bullshit about “different genres” with a superhero skin my way), it starts to get old fast.

Not only that, but there is often a lack of heart or a distinctive voice to the products. Compare that to one of the earlier superhero film series: Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man films. The series was often corny, quirky, and melodramatic, yet was capable of genuine moments of heart and actual drama. The ending shot to the second film is more meaningful in leaving an impression about the true darkness lying underneath an otherwise happy ending than the ending of Civil War, which alleges darkness, but just can’t resist plugging future movies and showing viewers that the adventure will continue in its final shot. To stick to comparisons with SM2, I recall reading somewhere that the MCU wanted to create a more ‘realistic’ home for the Parkers by having them live in an apartment. Now sure, this is more realistic in the sense that they probably couldn’t afford a house with their meager income, but a similar thing was done with much more impact on both the characters and the audience in SM2. In that movie, focus is given to the reality of trying to be a superhero while trying to live a normal life outside the costume, something that has never come up in the lighthearted MCU. Furthermore, the Parkers’ living situation actually comes up in that movie, which has Aunt May losing the house. And let’s not get into the part when Aunt May gives money to a reluctant Peter. That right there is actual human drama of the sort that the MCU only pretends to engage in. Even the third SM film, while a weak point in the series, at least was bold enough to end things ambiguously in regards to the state of Peter and Mary Jane’s relationship. The closest thing to that sort of darkness in the endings of any MCU films happens in the first Captain America movie (which might help explain why I’m so fond of it).

This isn’t to say that it’s wrong for the MCU to strike a light tone. It’s not a bad thing to be fun, even if the movies do get rather samey after a certain point, and the character arcs of the heroes often suffer. Remember how Tony Stark finally seemed to be moving forward with his life at the end of Iron Man 3? Unfortunately, because the studio likes money, and because the nature of comic book story arcs means that the adventure can never end, this happy ending was short-lived.

And then there’s Star Wars. The two movies released thus far can be summed up as fanservice and pandering. Fanservice and pandering. The scene with Darth Vader at the end of Rogue One was not enough to save a mediocre movie and you know it. The Force Awakens succeeded in spite of its script, and even then, there were little things that made it sometimes come off as less a SW film than a pastiche. I’m personally not hoping for too much from The Last Jedi (cripes that sounds more like a title for the final part of a trilogy than the middle section), and fully expecting the Han Solo film to be crammed with fanservice (and maybe show us the whole “12 parsecs” thing that should have just remained a cock-and-bull story that he was trying to pull on what he thought were a couple of yokels) and a story that undermines his character arc in A New Hope because the studio is afraid of having a proper anti-hero as its protagonist (which means we’ll be getting a jerk with a heart of gold who does the right thing at the end).

Hopefully, I’m wrong about at least one of these two movies in the best way possible.

Not that such descriptors apply to only those three products rolling out of the Disney factory. One can see this in their animated movies as well. Moana, which I actually liked, was as perfunctorily executed as it gets. The plot was standard, the heroine followed a basic outline, and the story beats could be seen from a nautical mile away. One can see the laziness of Disney’s factory-like efficiency in how they treat the predictable moment when a supporting character leaves only to come back near the end to aid the protagonist a la Han Solo. The moment is poorly built up, with the reasons for it being hinted as it occurs, but not before (unlike in the case of Han, where we get a brief scene that foreshadows his return at the heroes’ darkest hour). Zootopia (a movie so predictable that I correctly predicted exactly what lines would be said and how they would be delivered at several points) somehow won an Oscar despite the story and the characters being far less interesting than the themes and the world presented in it.

Still, for all my criticism, I would like to make it clear once again that there’s nothing wrong with what Disney is doing. They’ve figured out a formula that works for their business. Their movies please crowds and make money. Not only that, but since they can reliably pull of the former, the latter is more likely to happen. Even someone as cynical of their process as me has to admit to having liked some of their recent movies. The fact is, you don’t always need great art. Sometimes, people just want to escape the dreariness of daily life and the latest neorealist art film isn’t an ideal means for doing so. Fluff might be fluff, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be enjoyable. The subject matter of much of this blog is proof of that.

It’s just that sometimes I wish Disney would take a real chance rather than putting on the appearance of doing so. Aim for the stars even if it means increasing the likelihood of falling into the mud. But then again, that’s not good business, and who am I to tell the people swimming in cash what they should be doing?